The Next Chapter

IT WILL BE SCARY BUT YOU GOT THIS

The first few months after separation went by in a blur, I didn’t know what I was doing or how to navigate life. I kept myself busy so I could pretend nothing had really changed but then at night when the house was quiet and it was just me and the dogs, I felt lost. I had nights where I would cry myself to sleep and mornings I would be in tears and would force myself to get up and get through my day. The house felt different no longer a home where I was a wife and mom and I didn’t know how to make sense of it, however I also noticed I felt less alone in my home than I did before. I was suddenly spending all my time in the front room again when I had been alone in my bedroom for what felt like years. Looking around the house I suddenly realized so much of me had been lost in the feel of the home. While yes I had decorated it and placed most items where they were it just didn’t feel like me. One night my friend and I were having drinks and she mentions how dark the front room looks and feels and she was right as I look around I realized it was dark, Grey walls dark furniture a couch I had hated for a long time but never got rid of cause why I wasn’t really sitting on it anyways. Now what????

By this time most of his items were gone and the house was filled with leftover memories of what my life once was so I decided it was time for some change. First I needed to change up some of the memories of what once was, I didn’t want to forget the past because we had some amazing memories that I will always cherish, however I didn’t need them all front and center, so some things went in a closet or in another room, others got packed away to figure out what to do later and some were old and it was time for them to go.

After I cleaned up the memories it was time to start room by room and make the home a new place to live, not where the past was forgotten but where I saw light in the future. So, I started in the front room with a fresh coat of paint, white walls nice and bright and fresh, then some new furniture the couch came first as the old one had bad memories and visions still attached to it. Then time for less clutter, no more overflowing bookshelves or completed Lego’s taking up space, it was a new canvas where I was the artist and it was exciting. I built new shelves and tables to accent my new couches, then I added some “girly” pieces as some might call them, but I like to think of it as splashes of me. I changed out pictures and frames to add color and I selected new pictures of memories I wanted to be surrounded by each day. The old dark grey room now felt light and bright and mine.

While I was happy and excited with the new space it was still hard to wrap my head around all the changes and accept the fact that from here on out my life was going to be different and I had no idea what the future would hold. So, while I loved it and enjoyed being in my new space it was all my heart could handle at the time, So I took a deep breath looked around at what I had accomplished was proud of myself but also knew the rest would have to happen at another time, first I had to reflect on where I was now and see what was to come next…..